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Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I start seeing any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.

Questioning the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, often causing lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I want a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself less ambivalent and find some clarity and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you could encounter someone offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating sexual disorders.