These Words given by A Father Which Helped Me as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a broader inability to open up between men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to request a break - spending a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - looking after you is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I think my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."